Planner

According to the January 2011 issue of the Monitor on Psychology, several principles for aging were suggested.

• We are more likely to remember something if we believe significant others perceive it to be important.
• If we remember something, we are more likely to perceive it as "true."
• Volunteering helps seniors feel more useful, leading them to take better care of themselves.

These principles and some additional ones become the basis for listing 20 ways for seniors to live healthier and maintain their self-respect.

The aging process is accompanied by several social stereotypes, including a growing helplessness mentally, physically, and socially. This stereotype encourages an active self-fulfilling prophecy in every aging adult to behave in a manner compatible with this prophecy. As a retired psychologist, I've recorded some observations that can serve as a guide in the coming decade for seniors who would prefer to maintain their health and self-dignity.

Some "don'ts" include:

• Do NOT make excuses for not keeping your commitments. We use excuses only when we don't have legitimate reasons. Example: sometimes, we promise to attend a meeting and later discover that the topic of discussion will be unpleasant and thus, excuse ourselves because of the weather or illness.

• Do NOT talk if you don't have the words to express your thoughts. As the saying goes, "It's better to be quiet and appear ignorant, than speak up and remove all doubt." Example: Rehearse what you are going to say before you speak if you can't think and talk at the same time. Avoid embarrassment.

• Do NOT fabricate to make yourself appear younger. Many older adults will use wigs, dye their hair, and use excessive make-up. Aging with dignity doesn't include a massive cover-up. People will question your intentions and think you are covering up more than your appearance.

• Do NOT choose the course of least resistance. Example: When someone holds the door open for you to walk through, don't just say "thank you," but hold that same door open for the next person to walk through.

• Do NOT hold others to moral standards that are higher than the standards you have set for yourself. Example: We may criticize others for social habits when we will occasionally engage in these same habits ourselves.

• Do NOT allow people to ask you to repeat everything that you say to them. Example: When you are having a conversation with someone, they may ask, "What did you say?" After a few occurrences of this behavior, you need to get their attention first before you share your thoughts with them.

• Do NOT allow people to walk away from you because they become distracted by someone or something else. Example: When you are exchanging ideas with someone before you get closure, that person will turn their attention elsewhere. You need to call that person by name and ask them to complete their conversation.

• Do NOT allow professionals to use their jargon when explaining a condition or diagnosis. Ask them to express themselves in everyday language. Example: Quite often, a general practitioner in medicine will prescribe a brand name medication or even a generic form without fully explaining the ingredients and purpose of the medication.

• Do NOT sympathize with someone who is exercising their self-fulfilling prophecy. You are enabling them to continue this behavior. Example: If you hear people say, "I can't do that," then your response should be, "You are as intelligent as I am and I can do that, so tell yourself that you can do that, too—and do it."

• Do NOT politely accept a condescending remark from someone regarding your age. Example: Someone may ask you when you forget to be somewhere or do something if you are having a "senior moment," alluding to the suggestion that you have temporarily lost your awareness. Remind them that people of all ages experience absentmindedness from time to time!

Some "do's" include:

• DO make a deliberate personal declaration that you will do everything you need to do to maintain the appearance of a healthy, aging person. Example: Establish a routine for good eating habits, appropriate exercise, following your physicians' prescriptions and never excuse yourself from your vision for your life.

• DO develop the philosophy, "What I can do for others, I will do." Example: This refutes the stereotype that "helplessness" is associated with aging and encourages the general public to see the aging process as a new opportunity to serve rather than a dreaded disease to be avoided.

• DO always accentuate the positive. Example: Remember, we are living in a very negative world and there are many negative stereotypes associated with aging. We have to be very vigilant and diligent to find what is positive in our lives as well as the lives of those whom we love and serve.

• DO choose a basic positive affirmation that fits your life and repeat it when you get up in the morning and when you go to bed at night. If you say it, you begin to believe it. Example: My personal affirmation is, "I am a warm and loving person, unique and precious in God's sight, always behaving according to my present awareness."

• DO keep the faith. Listen to the inner voice and obey. Example: If you want to remain "warm and loving," listen to the Lord and obey Him immediately through prayer, reading His Word, confessing your sin and sharing your faith in winning others to Him.

• DO learn to accept everything that comes into your life as God's perfect will and thank Him for it (I Thessalonians 5:18). Develop an attitude of gratefulness for everything. Example: This will prevent us from focusing on ourselves when a problem occurs, regardless of who caused the problem.

• DO hold yourself responsible for your own behavior if you expect people to perceive you as a well-adjusted aging person. Example: When someone directs your attention to some immature behavior in which you are engaging, thank them for their remarks and say to them, "you are telling me this because you care about me as a person when I act immature."

• DO take a stand against Satan and his world system. Learn to resist the evil inclinations within you. Example: For a Christian, taking a stand is different from the secular interpretation. In Romans 12:20 we are told, "If our enemy is hungry, feed him. If he is thirsty, give him a drink; For in so doing, we will heap coals of fire upon his hear." In taking this type of stand, we will "not be overcome by evil, but we will overcome evil with good" (Romans 12:21).

• DO hold others responsible for their behavior. Example: When an individual engages in irrational behavior, laughing at their behavior whether age-related or obscene is encouraging and enabling them to continue this behavior. No response is best initially, but if they become more determined and bombastic in an effort to get a laugh, you need to reflect to them, "It seems important to you for others to laugh at your humor."

• DO maintain a good conscience. Since the human race is created in the image of God, we must always maintain a good conscience before God and man (I Timothy 1:19). Example: No man in the day of judgment can point an accusing finger at you as a stumbling block to them and God can say, "Well done, my good and faithful servant, enter into the joy of your Lord" (Matthew 25:23 a).

  Dr. Cureton, and his wife, Joan, have been married 56 years, have five children, 12 grandchildren, and two great-grandchildren. An influential educator for 29 years, Dr. Cureton taught psychology and education classes, as well as graduate level courses, before retiring from the University in 1996. We appreciate Dr. Cureton's excellent insight into the aging process in the article he prepared for "The Planner."